Saturday, February 27, 2010

Is it wrong to have expectations?

The other day a close friend asked me this. The technical architect in me immediately wanted to blurt out “There is no silver bullet”, but had I said this, I am sure this would have caused a GP fault and similar to NT blue screen, I would have ended up with a blue eye. So instead I donned my philosopher’s hat and tried to put forth some points on this.

Expectations are probably like sweets. You like to have lot of them, but the more you have, the chances of your health suffering are higher. The lesser you have, the better it is for you. What I am trying to say is having some expectations is probably fine, but when it starts to cause you sleepless nights, it is best to start to ignore them and try to move on.

Just like fundamental rights and responsibilities go hand in hand, typically love and expectations also go hand in hand. When you love someone or a lighter version of that, when you like someone, there are expectations that start to grow in your mind. But then is that really liking? Liking should be for the person as is, and not necessarily what he/she does in return for you.

Many a times, we suffer in silence just because we have expectations but the other person has no clue since we never really mustered enough courage to tell it. So how is it helping? Two simple options – either drop the expectations and or share it with the person. Two things can then happen. The person will either fulfil them or ignore them. If fulfilled, great for you, but else you are back to two options again. Either ignore the expectations or ignore the person. Ignore the expectations is where we really started with and if you take the other route of ignoring the person, then since there is no person, there are no expectations.

LHS = RHS and hence proved, that expectations aren’t good for anything :-). Most relations break just because of expectations mismatch and hence the less you have it, the better it is and would probably keep everyone happy.

Phew! Too much of philosophical stuff; back to my architect self. Expectation is like in-proc session that does not allow application to scale. For better scalability, design with stateless transactions in mind and that means each transaction is self-contained. When it is self contained, it isn’t linked with either previous or future one and hence there is no expectation. Does that make sense? Let’s take a second opinion. What do you think?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Valentine's day

I was reading this blog of Shalini and could not help go back in my own memory.

Valentine's day isn't something that I ever really liked to celebrate. Main reason being I could not really understand why would I need a specific day to go to someone and say I like you or I love you or whatever they say on that day :-).

Anyway, things change after marriage, so after mine, I decided to gift something to my wife on our first valentine's day. My memory fails me of what exactly I got (my wife can surely tell even now :-)), but I did get a greeting card. During the day a friend came home and the card happened to be lying around and he picked it up and read it and then asked me - "hey, you never celebrated valentine's day before".

And I said "yeah, so did you expect me to celebrate it with you earlier?"

Monday, February 22, 2010

Socially acceptable again !

Never before has any film caused so much of peer pressure, not even the phenomenally successful Avatar. But if you hadn't watched "3 idiots", people looked at you as if you were the 4th idiot.

So finally, we have done it. This last weekend, we managed to watch it and we are back into our social circle and can move around with our heads held high. Watching it, made us realize why everyone was so upbeat about it and what we had been missing.

Finally, we can also say now "Bhaia, aaall is well". phew!!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

What do you want to be when you grow up?

During the growing age everyone has changing desires on what they want to be when they grow up. The standard list includes things like teacher, doctor, actor etc. My kid also has had her share of these.

The other day however she said something so very unique that we sat up to take notice and realized how much we are engrossed our busy work life that we sometimes end up neglecting spending time with family. The question isn't really time at home, but what we all usually talk about - quality time at home.

I have been given a blackberry from office, with the obvious intention that I am reachable all the time both on call and on mail. Usually I try to avoid checking mails regularly at home on weekends, but there are occasions when I do this very often and when am doing this, I switch off from everyone around me. My kid obviously felt disconnected and hence said that when she grows up she wants to be a mobile. This way she can be closer to me for longer and also I would pay attention to her and understand her better, as I seem to understand my current mobile phone.

Looks like it is time to take a break and relook at - am I really spending quality time at home?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Truth hurts

Like I talked about sharing earlier, teaching kids to talk truth and nothing but the truth is also important aspect of their growth.

But then, things can go wrong at funny places. The other day, a weekend, I had a function at office in which families were invited. This was fixed for many weeks. My kid's school, a true believer in Murphy, informed the kids on a day before that there will be parent teacher's meeting on this particular day.

Normally we don't miss any of these, but it also so happened that my wife had had an elaborate discussion (almost like a verbal duel) with almost all teachers at the school a week prior to this. To top it, this meeting was scheduled at 7.45 am on a weekend. Getting up early is part of our life daily, but we want to keep our weekends relaxed and this function at office was about at 11 am. Given all facts so far, we had decided to skip this meeting and go only to the office function.

All is well that ends well. However the next working day and the class teacher caught hold of my kid and asked "Why didn't your parents come to the meeting?" and my kid, with all the truth serum running strongly in her veins says:

"Mam, there was another function at my daddy's office. Though it was at 11 am, but my mummy said that since you will not get to sleep in the afternoon, there is no need to get up early on a weekend. And she further said that she has anyway had a discussion with all teachers last week, so no need to go for this meeting" :-(

Boy, am I glad that we have already applied for her transfer certificate and got her admitted to another school. Truth hurts!!

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