Is it wrong to have expectations?
The other day a close friend asked me this. The technical architect in me immediately wanted to blurt out “There is no silver bullet”, but had I said this, I am sure this would have caused a GP fault and similar to NT blue screen, I would have ended up with a blue eye. So instead I donned my philosopher’s hat and tried to put forth some points on this.
Expectations are probably like sweets. You like to have lot of them, but the more you have, the chances of your health suffering are higher. The lesser you have, the better it is for you. What I am trying to say is having some expectations is probably fine, but when it starts to cause you sleepless nights, it is best to start to ignore them and try to move on.
Just like fundamental rights and responsibilities go hand in hand, typically love and expectations also go hand in hand. When you love someone or a lighter version of that, when you like someone, there are expectations that start to grow in your mind. But then is that really liking? Liking should be for the person as is, and not necessarily what he/she does in return for you.
Many a times, we suffer in silence just because we have expectations but the other person has no clue since we never really mustered enough courage to tell it. So how is it helping? Two simple options – either drop the expectations and or share it with the person. Two things can then happen. The person will either fulfil them or ignore them. If fulfilled, great for you, but else you are back to two options again. Either ignore the expectations or ignore the person. Ignore the expectations is where we really started with and if you take the other route of ignoring the person, then since there is no person, there are no expectations.
LHS = RHS and hence proved, that expectations aren’t good for anything :-). Most relations break just because of expectations mismatch and hence the less you have it, the better it is and would probably keep everyone happy.
Phew! Too much of philosophical stuff; back to my architect self. Expectation is like in-proc session that does not allow application to scale. For better scalability, design with stateless transactions in mind and that means each transaction is self-contained. When it is self contained, it isn’t linked with either previous or future one and hence there is no expectation. Does that make sense? Let’s take a second opinion. What do you think?
Expectations are probably like sweets. You like to have lot of them, but the more you have, the chances of your health suffering are higher. The lesser you have, the better it is for you. What I am trying to say is having some expectations is probably fine, but when it starts to cause you sleepless nights, it is best to start to ignore them and try to move on.
Just like fundamental rights and responsibilities go hand in hand, typically love and expectations also go hand in hand. When you love someone or a lighter version of that, when you like someone, there are expectations that start to grow in your mind. But then is that really liking? Liking should be for the person as is, and not necessarily what he/she does in return for you.
Many a times, we suffer in silence just because we have expectations but the other person has no clue since we never really mustered enough courage to tell it. So how is it helping? Two simple options – either drop the expectations and or share it with the person. Two things can then happen. The person will either fulfil them or ignore them. If fulfilled, great for you, but else you are back to two options again. Either ignore the expectations or ignore the person. Ignore the expectations is where we really started with and if you take the other route of ignoring the person, then since there is no person, there are no expectations.
LHS = RHS and hence proved, that expectations aren’t good for anything :-). Most relations break just because of expectations mismatch and hence the less you have it, the better it is and would probably keep everyone happy.
Phew! Too much of philosophical stuff; back to my architect self. Expectation is like in-proc session that does not allow application to scale. For better scalability, design with stateless transactions in mind and that means each transaction is self-contained. When it is self contained, it isn’t linked with either previous or future one and hence there is no expectation. Does that make sense? Let’s take a second opinion. What do you think?
I completely agree with your thought that we should not really have expectations with any person.
ReplyDeleteI have been tryin to inculcate this thing n to an extent being successful as well.. :)
The most positive thing about it is that you find happiness in smallest of the things u get in life and you dont get bogged down easily with small issues...